Following a policy update announced Monday, BYU students and faculty will no longer be allowed to protest on university-owned areas of Y mountain. This updated policy undoubtedly comes from the “Rainbow Y” demonstration seen last semester in support of LGBTQ+ students. But now there is only one question that remains: Who is Chemish?
In an unexpected play, BYU has additionally announced a local bridge troll named Chemish will be appointed the official guardian of Y Mountain effective immediately. Those hoping to protest on the mountain must first pass the tests of Chemish’s sharp wit. Reports of his awful cackle have already been heard at the foot of Y Trail.
“To those against the honor code, prepare to face the likes of me- for if you wish to walk this road, you first must answer my riddles three!” chanted Chemish late Friday night.
“He didn’t give me a single riddle,” revealed sophomore Jay Wilson when asked about his confrontation with Chemish on Y Trail. “I don’t even think he knows any. He just told me I had failed when I couldn’t answer his questions about fantasy football or cryptocurrency. He was a jerk.”
While Chemish might have already gotten off on the wrong foot with local students, we suspected there might be more to the Y Mountain guardian than meets the eye. In a vulnerable moment, The Alternate Universe was able to sit down with Chemish during his lunch break and allow the mysterious bridge troll to open up.
“Well, my name’s actually Travis- my friends call me Trav,” Chemish admitted to The Alternate Universe. “I don’t really mind. The Mrs. has been on my case for a year now about finding a job, so I’m just glad to no longer be unemployed. I still have a lot to learn about the Honor Code though.”
The heartfelt moment between our newsroom and Chemish was short-lived. As soon as his break ended, he snapped back into character and demanded we reveal our top Spotify artists as a means to identify our sexualities.
“Alas, why it’s Gaga and Lil Nas X!” he growled. “Indeed you think I’ve been made a fool! Be it you’re attracted to the same sex, and forsooth here to protest the school!”
As our staff made our way back down the mountain, we wished luck to fellow students ascending on route to approach Y Mountain’s newest guardian.