The season of giving is upon us. Thing is, what if you don’t feel like giving something? Well, not in terms of money, but more like ohmygoshmyroommateistheworstshedoesnotdeserveanyofmyattention. The second greatest commandment is to love thy neighbor as yourself. This means including them in holiday festivities when you don’t feel like it. What do you give them though? Here is a list of ideas to help you get started:
- Deodorant
Let your frenemy know just how much they stink with this classic-yet-thoughtful gift.
- A cheap candle
Remember the candle you got last Christmas? Well, this won’t be the first time it’s been regifted. Go ahead, get rid of that thing. It’s just gathering dust.
- Mints
This gift is the perfect combination of creepy and backhanded.
- Jello mix
So that they have to get off their lazy butt to make it.
- University of Utah t-shirt
Go ahead and clearly label your enemy.
- Makeup
Let your frenemy know there is major room for improvement.
- The Teletubbies on VHS
If you know someone with kids and a VCR, give them a sense of nostalgia that can only be felt through watching creepy TV dolls
- Any plastic musical “instrument” such as a kazoo, recorder, or pitchy harmonica
This is the perfect gift for the obnoxious new parent in your life.
Remember the Code of the Elves: “Treat every day like Christmas. There’s room for everyone on the nice list. The best way to spread Christmas cheer is singing loud for all to hear.” This means that at Christmas, everyone deserves to be loved, even your neighbor’s dropkick-able rat dog. Give gifts with meaning, but do make sure to prioritize your own sanity. Peace on earth, goodwill toward me!