Last night, a reporter for the Alternate Universe was engaging in a late-night wander of campus, pondering finals and considering an existential crisis when they saw something cross the sky. Was it a bird, a plane? Had Cosmo learned to fly? No, none of the above. After a thorough investigation, the object was confirmed to be none other than Santa’s sleigh. As the sleigh passed over campus, a piece of paper fluttered to the ground, finally resting at the feet of that pixelated deer statue thing. The paper was found to contain the Christmas wishes of every person and/or organization on campus. In the spirit of full disclosure, we will be sharing the highlights here.

Here is what the campus community wants for Christmas:

The BYU Police Department – Nerf guns

The Cougareat Office – More employees (the good kind who are never busy and care more about nourishing the campus community than what they are getting paid)

The Cougareat Employees (excluding Jamba Juice) – A pay raise. Also a soft serve machine in the break room would be nice. Or a break room. Or just a break. You know, every once and a while.

The Wilk Jamba Juice Employees – For the other Cougareat employees to just chill, they’re always so frantic and it really kills the vibes. Like okay we get it, you’re all Scorpios over there but no need to be so extra about it.

The HFAC ghosts – Please don’t tear down our building. It’s all we have left.

The Football Team – Another locker room. Like yeah we just got a new one in June but we really really really really need another. Please?

The Daily Universe – Will someone just pay a little attention to us??

Vocal Point – We just really want to sing the f word in our next song.