A Massive Pile-Up Created as Students Drive Home for Thanksgiving, Projected to Arrive Home Just in Time to do the Dishes

Thanksgiving is a great, heart-warming holiday where families can gather around a tasty home-cooked meal and appreciate time with one another. For some, the travel back home for Thanksgiving is nothing to worry about. But for others, it is a nightmare.

Peggy Constantine, a 23-year-old BYU student from Caribou, Maine has had a terrible, horrible, no good, very bad trip.

For starters, the drive from Provo to Maine in itself is a 39-hour journey by car. When factoring stopping for gas, food, stretch breaks, and her sister’s ill-timed IBS, the trip was expected to take them about 48 hours.

They were not that lucky.

Traffic headed east out of Provo was horrendous. It was bump-and-go traffic for miles as thousands of students migrated east for the holidays. The furthest Peggy and her sister got was Nebraska when the real tragedy struck.

Matt McMattheuson and Mark McMattheuson, two of her fellow students at BYU, were getting very tired of the traffic. They decided to take matters into their own hands. In order to get through the intense traffic and “to get some sick air” these students thought it was a good idea to launch themselves off the back of a truck and fly through the sky. When they surprisingly completed the jump, they accidentally landed right on top of another car. This vertical collision created a 145-car pile-up that is still being sorted out at this moment.

“Haha oops” was the only phrase, Matt, the driver of the car, had to say when questioned by police. His brother, Mark, could only add “YOLO” and “WWJD” as reasons for their idiotic decision.

Peggy was out of options at this point. Her only hope was to frankly write to The Alternate Universe as a last-ditched effort to get home on time.

“We were just told that we would be stuck in traffic for at least the next 12 hours. I can’t take this anymore. We haven’t moved in 4 hours and my sister just had Taco Bell before we got on the freeway. Please, anybody, save us!!”

Please send your prayers to Constantine and all those involved. Luckily, the police have informed us that no one has been seriously hurt or injured in this crash. The most intense injuries reported are “ouchies” and “boo-boos” from a Business major stuck in the crash.

According to our calculations, it looks like Constantine and fellow drivers will arrive home just in time to do the dishes and then they will have to leave. I’m sure their Mother will be very thankful.