Their lives are perfect. Well, except for one thing – their families no longer seem complete without their college kids. For many influencer mothers, the absence of a child means the absence of followers, mainly by people who are the child’s age. In order to sell their brand, they must also sell their children’s lives. The solution? Follow kids to college.
Truxstersen Orton, from Sun Valley Idaho, laments the loss of his adulthood. He was only thirty minutes into his hot date when his mom showed up and snapped a pic. Now only half the female student body wants to date him. He also is nervous for his future.
“First my mom follows me here, now she wants me to change my major to Influencing? And apparently, Hank Smith is the dean? Mortuary science has always been my passion; I do not want to change!”
We observed Truxstersen confront his mother. She was not pleased as she remarked, “God watches you always, why shouldn’t the rest of the world? Do not hide your light from the world!” Please pray for Truxstersen. He needs your support right now.
Because of all the influencers living vicariously through their unsuspecting kids, BYU decided to start a new program.
“We always have a massive outpouring of support over parent orientation, so we decided to extend it to a new parent program,” says Kevin J-Dub. “We plan to convert two Helaman Halls buildings into parental suites. Another Helaman Halls building will become a luxury resort featuring a gym and spa. We will invite all parent residents to complete a degree in general studies so that they can have a feeling of accomplishment that is separate from their social media endeavors.”
Most things at BYU will stay the same; for example, the NCMOs, the failed exams, and the ring by spring. But some things will never be the same. “I wish they never allowed parent observations in the testing center. It’s like these parents want me to fail so that their kids are at the top of the curve,” says Sara Nicoles, shuddering.
Hopefully, the evils of Instagram are gone by the Second Coming. If not, best of luck enduring to the end.