Nephi Jensen, a sophomore at BYU, is suing the university magazine Dating & Relationships: TWO after claiming that its dating ideas and advice do not work. Jensen announced his lawsuit on Wednesday afternoon after “months of failed dating attempts.”

In an exclusive interview with The Alternate Universe, Nephi Jensen described the events that led to his decision to sue.

“I decided to work through TWO’s list of ‘Hundreds of Date Ideas’ systematically, asking out girls from my ward and classes. I figured one of the dates would work out and I’d finally find my eternal companion. After completing the entire list without any success, I realized the problem was TWO magazine. How could anyone not want to marry me?”

He also described some of the date ideas he tried. “TWO suggested a date where we ‘write cheesy poems to each other.’ I thought it was fun but my date got an emergency call from her roommate ten minutes in and had to go home. The same thing happened with the girl I took on a date to ‘pretend like you’re getting married and go ring shopping.’”

Bryleighette Jones, a woman Jensen went on a date with, described her feelings about this whole situation.

“I think this lawsuit is ridiculous. I knew before Nephi suggested that we ‘attend a fireside’ together that it wouldn’t work out. I’ve heard him talk about cryptocurrency too many times in Sunday School.”

TWO magazine has yet to respond to the lawsuit.