A certain disease is plaguing our campus. What is it, you say? The NCMO. Our youth (who are somehow of adult age) are at a terrible risk of getting NCMOed. Here is the complete, comprehensive guide to avoiding the dreaded NCMO.

#1 Talk solely about your mission, especially if your date didn’t serve one.

#2 Wear Trump merch and play rap music. Or wear Bernie merch and play country music.

#3 Follow @anti_ncmo_movement on Instagram.

#4 Do not go stargazing, hammocking, or hiking. Don’t watch a movie, get on the jumbotron, play games, eat at Rancherito’s, eat at McDonald’s, eat, throw a pebble and break a window, egg someone’s house, TP someone’s house, talk about Star Wars, talk about D&D, talk about nuclear particle physics, or have a bowel movement. You never know what kinks somebody might have.

#5 Propose as soon as you meet someone. That way, it is no longer noncommittal.

#6 Spoil movies, especially in group chats whose members include potential dates. Nobody likes it when someone spoils a movie.

#7 Watch an Adam Sandler movie. Major turn-off.

#8 Lastly, to avoid a romantic North Carolina-Missouri (NC-MO) road trip, invite your parents to all of your dates. Nobody likes a chaperone, but at least your parents are included in the *action*. And by action, we mean that intense premarital eye contact.

Do you know anyone who is susceptible to NCMOs? Share this article with them to keep them on the straight and narrow.