Here at the Alternate Universe, we are committed to providing top-shelf comedic content, and we have a zero-tolerance policy for contrary behavior from anyone who represents our brand. 

Last night a member of our staff, who will remain unnamed out of respect to their family, performed in a Divine Comedy show. We were not aware that they had any ties to the organization, and we do not endorse the idea that the performances put out by Divine Comedy are in any way funny. 

This staff member is no longer with our organization. We take these matters very seriously, which is why along with Divine Comedy members, we do not allow those who run meme accounts with less than 1000 followers, “people” who quote The Office in their dating profiles, or YouTubers who make reaction content to come within 200 ft of our writers’ room.

To prevent another issue where we are unaware of the unsavory nature of those who are associated with our organization, we will be updating our screening process for applicants to include a questionnaire where they indicate whether or not they have seen Spongebob and a full body cavity search.

We at the Alternate Universe want to thank everyone who brought this issue to our attention, and we look forward to regaining your trust.