Having a loved one who struggles with wearing bowties to church can be overwhelming. You might be unsure about what to do, what to say, or how your actions may affect your relationship. No matter what fears you may have, it’s important to offer your support and love. Here are few steps to take when approaching and supporting a friend in need.
1. Consider Where They Are Coming From
Bowtie wearing is a dynamic issue that begins in different ways for different individuals. For some, the divergent behavior is the result of excess stress or an unmet emotional need. Other wearers may have been raised in homes where bowties were condoned as “cool”. Consider what your friend may be dealing with and withhold any judgment.
2. Have a Conversation and Encourage Change
Gently explain to your friend how their decision to wear a bowtie to church is hurting their own social identity, their dignity, and your friendship. Help them understand that we are given guidelines in this life not to restrict us, but to set us free.
3. Help Them Understand Their Alternatives
Many past bowtie wearers say that the key to their recovery was rooted in healthy alternatives to bowties. Loud mission ties, graphic ties, knitted ties, no ties- all are a step in the right direction. It doesn’t matter if they are wearing a dirty shoelace around their neck, as long they understand that the only place for a bowtie in this world is on a clown or in the garbage.
4. Group Intervention if Necessary
If you and others, such as family members, are able to openly communicate about your friend’s problem, a safe, welcoming group intervention might be a possibility when confronting your friend. Just make sure you’re all on the same page: you’re here to help, not to blame or trap. Inviting trusted ecclesiastical leaders like the bishop can often help get through to a struggling friend.
5. Donate Their Bowties (to the Landfill)
No matter how much you love your friend, it is imperative that you do not become an enabler of their behavior. The best way to help them avoid temptation is to either donate their bowties to the landfill or a local charity supporting underprivileged clowns.