With the upcoming BYU vs Utah rivalry game on the horizon, BYU student Gregory Higgins has already had more sports talk enter his life than he would care to hear. Gregory has long been proud of his commitment to avoid the topic of athletics entirely, claiming that he does not want to take part in “hedonistic fanfare.” 

Not being able to differentiate a first down from a touchdown, Gregory lacked proper context to understand the news of BYU joining the Big 12 that rippled through the Cougar community. 

“I have full trust in the brethren but including an institution as the newest member of the Quorum of the Big 12 feels…quite unorthodox for me. I hope that’s not too heretical. Please don’t tell the HCO.” said Gregory.

He continued, “I get that the numbers aren’t exact. We refer to them as the 12, but there really are 15 when you include the First Presidency. Still, I have so many questions. If no one died, why are we adding another spot? How is BYU going to be represented in a future group photo? Who exactly will be speaking at conference?” 

The Big 12 media representatives declined to comment, though the Church media representative did laugh and respond with “wait, really?” 

Timothy Higgins, Gregory’s brother, said “Grandpa always referred to the brethren as the ‘Big 12’ and that’s where Greg got mixed up. I explained it to him, but he is in a deep faith crisis and isn’t listening to me.”