Oh how the turntables…

In a recent post on his Tumblr page, President Worthen admits that he has been locked out of his personal BYU account since the start of the semester. The culprit of the heinous crime? Everyone’s favorite security system…Duo Mobile. 

Duo Mobile, the evil overlord over BYU’s online services, is a two-factor authentication system to protect student’s accounts. It is infamous for locking students out of their accounts if they fail to pass multiple unnecessary security measures. This system, despite its good intention, is very unpopular with students who find it laborious and repetitive. 

Our very own President Kevin J. Worthen is the most recent victim to Duo Mobile’s Alcatraz-esque security. We were fortunate to get an exclusive interview with the boss man about the issue and potential solutions to his problem. 

“I cannot tell you how many computers, laptops, and tablets I have broken and cracked in frustration because of this,” Papa Worthen told the Alternate Universe. “I even resorted to hiring the same Russians who hacked into the oil pipeline for help and they said it’s impossible to get in. $50 million of our university’s money down the drain…”

When asked why he doesn’t just go down to the computer science or information systems department on campus for help, he gave us a very valid reason.

“I don’t talk to nerds.”

He refused to acknowledge how he initially got locked out of his account because “it is a matter of national security”. His cryptic response leads us to believe that this situation is more complicated than we could have possibly imagined. 

“I don’t have many options left. I’m considering transferring to the University of Utah if I can’t get back into my account. I know it would be the end of me but I’d rather join the enemy than talk to those computer nerds. I will retain my pride.”

We will be praying for President Worthen here at The Alternate Universe, and we urge you to do the same.