Watch out, freshmen! Chipman Hall’s entire first floor has reported cases of Ligma, a nasty foot fungus that turns your nails yellow and causes the skin to turn porous.  Other symptoms include diarrhea, nosebleeds, foot acne, dancing feet, and an inexplicable desire to join team Edward. 

Sarah Winters says, “Everyone in our hall is livid. None of us can go to the pool on Saturday because of our explosive diarrhea. Apparently, the last time someone pooped in the Provo Rec Center pool, they got a lifetime ban. We don’t want that here.”

Ligma can spread throughout showers, and none of the residents remembered to wear shower shoes last week, hence the entire floor catching this disease.

Penelope Andersen says, “It was Cade who brought it here, I guarantee it. He’s been playing footsies with, like, ten girls. And he has the stinkiest feet!”

Sources did confirm that it was, in fact, Cade’s fault. He thinks he got Ligma from walking around barefoot in the Great Salt Lake. Cade remarks, “The lake was fun and all, but it smelled awful. And as soon as I left, I broke out in itches. Negative ten out of ten, I would not recommend. I am so glad I am back in Utah County, where everything is so dang awesome. Utah County is the best—I could see myself living here even after graduation! So many people here love playing footsies.”