There’s a lot of pressure to make a good impression for the first day of school – especially if it’s been an extremely long time since you’ve been back. Here at BYU, unprepared students all over campus worry about how they can stand out amongst such a diverse crowd. Meanwhile, countless returned missionaries slither their way to class with the ultimate card up their sleeve. Unfortunately for them, offering to say the opening prayer in your mission language doesn’t magically get you all the Snapchats of your female classmates like you’d expect. 

Jordan Larsen was the first RM to show a fatal physical response to this realization. He reportedly passed away this morning due to the lack of attention he received from his Stat 121 class following his opening prayer in Portuguese. We mean “fatal” and “passed away” in the obvious sense that it was so devastatingly embarrassing for Larsen that he had to go home and cope. Not that he is actually deceased; we wouldn’t want to confuse our readers. In fact, Larsen eventually made his way back to campus to give a quote on his current critical condition:  

“Nevermind that it was in perfect, effortless Portuguese – it was low key just a really good fricking prayer,” Larsen remarked. “But whatever, it’s not like I care. I mean, I guess I’m a little blown away I didn’t even get one girl’s Snapchat-”  

Larsen and other apprehensive RM’s will now turn to plan B to attract attention- which is probably just including an interesting mission story specific to them during “Two Truths and a Lie.” 

But a serious case of attention deficiency for RM’s is no laughing matter- and as we’re contractually obligated to mention in every article acknowledging the pandemic- these are unprecedented times. Perhaps we’re all still a little unsure of what a traditional fall semester will look like and are just doing our best day by day.

What’s for certain is that no one is begging you to demonstrate how your mission is your defining personality trait. Instead of worrying about what others think, just try to have fun and relax. Before you know it, the day will be over, years will fly by, and you’ll graduate from BYU one day probably with much bigger regrets than your awkwardness on the first day of the semester. 

On a related note, campus emergency vehicles will continue to stand by today in case anyone actually does die.