The empty chairs almost seemed to stare back as the bishopric looked around, puzzled as to why no one was at the first Sunday meeting of the fall semester.

Our journalism team received a tip that no one would show to the meeting, as all the students were trying to avoid getting a calling.

The only sounds audible in the room were the quiet coughs of the bishop’s second councilor and the quietest muffled grunts coming from the janitorial closet. When our intrepid investigative journalism team opened the door, they were quickly shushed by a voice above them, belonging to a young man huddled on the top shelf, behind two dusty bottles of Clorox.

“I just came to this building to pick up my textbook that I had accidentally left” whispered Scott Evans, a student studying chemistry, “but once I saw the bishop round a corner I panicked. I’ve been here for the past hour man, and I’ve already lost feeling in my legs. My girlfriend came with me, too, and I have no idea if she made it out okay”.

When we interviewed the bishop of the ward, he was optimistic: “I like to look at obstacles as opportunities to look for different solutions. In that spirit, I will be extending the temporary calling of ‘attendance officers’ to everyone in the ward. I will be contacting everyone to give them the responsibility of ensuring their roommates attend. Hopefully, this will be a step that will lead to other callings in the future for many,” he said excitedly, as our team made out the faint sound of a girl crying from the body of the piano.

The bishop then walked out of the room with a spring in his step and his councilors dutifully following behind him.