New Student Orientation is nearly over, so you know what that means!  Time for all the information that your Y-Group leaders REFUSED to tell you!

1. You WILL NEED ALL of your books.  If you do not have your books on your first day, that is a big, fat zero out of ten percent of your grade!  Now the highest score you can get in your class is 90%.
2. You will never make it off that waitlist, so just drop all of your waitlisted classes.  Also, professors HATE it when waitlisted students come to class, so don’t do that.
3. Rolling backpacks are THE MOST convenient things you will ever use in your college career.  They are so much easier to carry up and downstairs, and you will save your back from future (or even current) back pains.
4. You do not need a bike lock; everyone knows that nothing gets stolen here.  In fact, it is frowned upon to use a bike lock because it shows a lack of faith in the Lord’s chosen students at the Lord’s university.
5. You cannot change your major, so make sure that the first one you pick is perfect.  I got stuck in biochemistry, and I am too afraid to change, so now my GPA is shot.  I really wish I had chosen exercise science smh.
6. Take as many credits as you can (18) so that you can graduate early with honors.
7. Get the Open Door meal plan because you will DEFINITELY need to spend every single meal at the Cannon Center, a whole mile away from any of your classes.
8. Want to fit in?  Check out this major dressing guide!
   1. Computer Science or Engineering: Khaki shorts and a T-shirt.  Pair with dusty running shoes.
   2. Business: Dress like the boss you hopefully will soon become.  Ever seen Boss Baby? Dress like that guy, and you’ll be golden.
   3. Pre-Med (BYU-Specific): Dress like you just finished golfing at the country club.  Make sure to tie that cardigan around your shoulders, and gel that blond hair into a loose faux hawk.  Make sure to have misogynistic and egotistical undertones in everything you say.
   4. Language: Dress like a missionary because let’s be honest, your major choice came from your mission.
   5. Religion: Just wear that smile, man.  You’re doing great.  Keep pretending you personally know strangers just so that when they ask you where you know them from, you can answer, “The premortal realm!”  
9. Download Mutual.  The faster you get married, the more happiness you will have in life, especially if you marry a jerk.
10. Please shower.  

This is going to be a great year! Good luck, Cougs!