The Ernest L. Wilkinson Student Center is one of the most frequented places on BYU campus. From the Cougareat to bowling to the BYU book store, there is always something to do. A favorite spot is a statue of Cosmo sitting on a bench, where everyone from students to alumni love to take pictures with their favorite cougar.

However, the Wilk is not everyone’s favorite place, especially not Laurence Daleyson’s, BYU student and the Wilkinson Center’s nighttime security guard. “I just wanted an easy, simple student job, and this is not what I signed up for!” cried Daleyson in an exclusive interview with The Alternate Universe.

“First of all, why am I the only one responsible for the entire building? And if it wasn’t bad enough supervising all 6 floors, I have to deal with Cosmo too. Yeah, the statue by the book store? He comes to life every night and is SUCH a pain in the neck. He’s always getting into trouble- either trying to sneak out to a football game or breaking into the Chick-fil-A to make himself a sandwich.”

Upon further investigation, the Alternate Universe has discovered that Cosmo is rumored to have come to life every night for the last 54 years, ever since the Golden Plates were secretly moved into the basement of the Wilk.

“I’ve had enough, I’m not going to babysit this oversized, bronze cat with way too much school spirit anymore,” Daleyson cried. Anyone wishing to assist Daleyson in his efforts to raise money to buy enough ramen and Graham Canyon ice cream to sustain himself after quitting this job is welcome to venmo @AltUniverseBYU.