The unofficial BYU virginity club has been around for nearly a year now, but despite over 595 petitioners for official recognition, the so-called “Lord’s University” continues to screw its precious virgins. 

“I thought I was finally in a place where it was okay that I was a virgin, but apparently not,” said one BYU Virgin spokesperson. “Administration has made it pretty clear where they stand.”

Many students are siding with the club. “If they aren’t going to recognize the club, then they might as well make premarital sex allowed under the honor code,” stated Reet Yorgensen. 

“It’s completely political,” said Eliza Kimball. “They claim they want their students to follow the law of chastity, but they don’t want to alienate Big Sex-Havers.”

The administration has largely been quiet on the issue, but Kevin Worthen finally broke his silence to say, “I’m not a virgin.” 

This bold claim has only fed the flames of Worthen’s opponents, who say that his lack of virginity makes him blind to the issues that students face at BYU. Many are calling for his resignation so that a virgin can take over his position. 

If you want to protest the University’s anti-virgin action you can sign the petition to get the club recognized here.