Would you rather keep all of your income for short-term gain, or keep just 90% for eternal glory? This is the question facing many of BYU’s economics students today. Students are taught the benefits of passive income, but tithing is an entirely different ballgame. It goes against their nature, but the benefits are too good to miss.

“We’ve been saying ‘To the moon!’ in regards to our stocks, but that would only get us to the Terrestrial Kingdom. We can do better than that,” says senior McCale McHale. Junior Trixlie Cordarellson added, “This is not a pump and dump. I got diamond hands for exaltation, baby!”

The business school has even added new classes. While teaching ECON 435, Divine Investments, Dr. Michaels says, “Obviously YOLO, but what if there was more? It’s an eternal bull market. Get in now to receive exaltation!” Dr. Hansen has been teaching ECON 437, Eternal Growth, and loves it. He reportedly told students to “have a heart full of equity and be an asset” in order to obtain this glory beyond the veil.

Only eternity will be able to prove the benefits of this extremely long-term investment.