Some newborns are given a face only a mother could love. Such was the case for Jill Hansen, who learned to love the skinned-rabbit-looking clump of goblin skin that was her twelfth child last month.

Jill and her husband Steve, both forty-seven years of age, have stood firm and fertile in their quiverfull ways since tying the knot in 1984. But after seemingly receiving a cease and desist from God in the form of newborn Jaxxon, Jill and Steve will now reconsider breeding a thirteenth Hansen rug rat.

“I was holding out hope until someone told me he had my nose,” Steve recalled. “I had never been so offended in my entire life. That’s when I realized Jaxxon’s terrible ugliness.”

The most heartbreaking part for Jill is her inability to exploit yet another innocent child’s unblemished face on Instagram in exchange for invaluable social media clout. Five of the Hansen children’s digital identities have amassed over 1,000 Instagram followers. 

“Don’t talk to me until I’ve had my morning breast milk!😋🍼✨🤣,” the eleventh Hansen child “wrote” on their Instagram account @baby_jaelyn11 last year, generating 102 likes. 

With the children’s love and attention likely dependent on their monthly engagement, one can only wonder about Jaxxon’s wellbeing so long as he looks like a smashed crab.

“While we mourn all the cute outfits, photo-shoot themes, and perfect captions we had prepared, this is our trial to overcome. We will do everything in our power to ensure he at least has a good personality. Time will tell.”

Meanwhile, husband Steve mostly mourns the prospect of never having sexual relations with his wife ever again.