He’s smart, caring, generous, and more or less single. And the bachelor life has seemed to grace him hypermasculine features, a strong jaw, soft eyes, and flowing hair practically sponsored by Pantene. Only one problem- He happens to be the Son of God, whose appearance has often been speculated. So don’t feel the need to talk to your bishop quite yet. Really, can any of us confidently say that Jesus was as attractive as the artwork and media portray Him to be?

Outside of Western art, probably not. Anthropologists have rendered a culturally realistic interpretation of Christ before, but who cares about what a bunch of professional scientists have to say? We all know movies and television are the best sources of truth and accuracy. 

In the long line of movies depicting Christ, we’ve seen dozens of Hollywood’s hottest beaus play the iconic role. But some members of the Church have voiced concerns for the attractive appearance of on-screen biblical figures.

“Why do the twelve disciples look like a rejected cast list for The Walking Dead or an ’80s boy band going through their grunge phase every time I see them on screen?” asked local Relief Society President, Carol Gardner. “I’m not complaining or anything,” she later clarified.

“There’s more testosterone in those hallway paintings than any of the actual men in my ward,” said local Provo YSA member Emma Wills. 

In an effort to desexualize the role, the Church is reportedly in talks with Danny DeVito to play the Messiah for an upcoming short film released on YouTube. However, some members find this rumored choice to be counterproductive.

“Casting Danny DeVito is just poor taste, as it would only heighten the sexual tension to an unimaginable degree,” remarked Brad Olsen, a professor of media arts at BYU. 

Whether or not DeVito will get the opportunity of a lifetime remains unclear, but for now, just try to remember that beards are bad and control your thoughts. And don’t get us started on apparent supermodel-gothic-vampire-hottie Joseph Smith.