BYU Parking Police has recently been accused of profiling student’s cars when handing out parking tickets. As the numbers show, drivers of “weaker” cars such as the Nissan Cube and Toyota Prius have been issued 29% more tickets since the end of the Winter Semester. 

 

When many students return home for the summer, the unanimously loved BYU Parking Police’s numbers naturally go down. Struggling to keep their jobs, they have gone to extreme lengths to get their numbers.

 

“My mission president told us numerous times that the work was not about the numbers. But in this field of work, the numbers are what keep us alive,” local Pharisaic parking police officer Jesus McQueen told The Alternate Universe.

 

BYU Parking Police has begun enforcing strict 2 minute parking zones, closing off former parking areas, 24/7 monitoring of BYU parking lots, and targeting “weaker” drivers.

 

“I went into a parking lot with my Prius to turn around and I got a ticket. I feel exactly what many discriminated people in America are feeling right now,” local student Toah Mateer told the Alternate Universe. “It’s a hand-me-down for gosh’s sakes. Darn all these officers to heck.”

 

We advise all students to stay alert, especially those driving ridiculous excuses for motor vehicles. You really thought driving a car shaped as a cube was a good idea? You are kind of getting what you deserve…