Around February of this year, the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints began a phased return to in-person worship services. While the initial return involved partial attendance, physical distancing, and rampant sanitization, many wards are now returning to completely normal services. 

Unfortunately, however, in the Provo YSA 44th ward everything cannot return to normal as they have no physical hymn books left. Last March the Bishop traded all of the ward’s books to a mysterious man in a dark cloak in exchange for toilet paper and vodka scented hand sanitizer. As the ward despaired over the fact that although normal meetings may resume, it would never be quite the same without their beloved hymn books, the mysterious man returned. Explaining that the hymn books have been hidden in a mystical cave, the man declared that they could be reclaimed by completing a quest. “Only one may enter,” he cautioned, “One who’s worth lies far beneath, the diamond in the rough!”

The ward was quick to call Brother Steven Stephenson to hunt down the books. Stephenson is expected to depart on his quest tomorrow evening, but was unavailable for comment as he was anxiously engaged packing for his journey and praying for the strength to touch none of the treasure in the cavern but the hymn books.