Early last Saturday, during one of his social media rants, Trucker Carl, an intern from the Honor Code Office, was talking about the dangers of being on campus.  The main one, he claims, is the academic stress that every student faces.  He says that the worst part of it is that their stress can radiate and affect the people around them.  He even goes as far as to say that BYU is “the worst” setting to be in because it has “bad vibes.”  

Trucker Carl claims, “If you see children on campus, call the Honor Code.  The kids are innocent and should not be subjected to the horrors that await in a university setting.  Stress is a real threat, and children can feel it radiating off of every student.”

“Yeah, no, BYU is great,” says his supervisor.  “We were going to fire him because of his baseless claims, but we are afraid of lashback from his fanbase of bronies and Twilight stans.  Thing is, he isn’t even a real trucker.  His parents decided to name him that for no reason.  Maybe that is why he hates kids, because he doesn’t want them to end up with a name like his.”

Dr. Foci, a professor of Family Life, says, “People are still bringing groups of kids to campus, which is odd because you don’t often see it at other universities. Even so, they have every right to be here, even if they gain nothing from it other than a BYU Store plastic bag full of overpriced memorabilia.” 

The BYU Honor Code Office does not appreciate phone call reports of kids on campus.  Trust me, I tried, and they were peeved.  They told me to call back when I had something “actually juicy.”