Over four years ago, the restaurant corporation known as Hooters officially closed its doors in Utah. The coined “breastaurant” lasted nearly two decades before the raised eyebrows and strongly worded letters outnumbered interested customers. By the end of 2016, the last remaining restaurant located in Midvale began to lay off all A and B cup employees. 

“It was like any other day,” explained Mikey Davis, former Midvale restaurant manager. “Another fella who looks like he frequently browses Reddit and wears jeans to bed walked in. But this guy was wearing a ‘porn kills love’ shirt… that’s when I realized we’d run our course here.”

But in an unexpected turn of events, the controversial company is taking another shot at success in Utah- this time with a twist. The Hooters board of trustees have arranged a new chain of restaurants to open late this summer, featuring the same appeal of desirable women. Only this time, you can expect your servers to be fully clothed, barely eighteen, and eagerly waiting to hear all your epic mission stories. Prospective restaurant manager and BYU School of Business alum Dale Stevens is said to be behind this unique rebranding. 

“Well, we’re still workshopping a new name, but we definitely have the general concept down,” said Stevens. “We know what Utahns really want- so forget the sleazy skirts and open shoulders! Just like our funeral potatoes special, modest is hottest!”

It will come as no surprise that the company has chosen Provo as the mystifying conservative hub for their intended target market. While Stevens admits a room full of employed women might intimidate some customers to turn away, he expects a great business year and temple-worthy staff. 

“We are currently hiring- so if you’re a great actress who likes to be tipped in invitations to play Super Smash Bros or watch The Office, please apply!”