In a controversial move, the Honor Code at BYU recently started a new program in order to predict when students are planning on breaking the Honor Code and discipline them before they get a chance. They hired some new employees to discern where the next “pre-violation” will take place. The new employees are all connected to a computer in the basement of the Talmage building that displays what they are seeing in their minds.

The first “pre-violation” to result in an Honor Code probation took place on Tuesday at the Baskin Robbins on Cougar Boulevard. Sophomore Jehsie Magnusson had just barely decided to get a scoop of the coffee chocolate chip ice cream when two people in all-black suits barged in and took her to the Honor Code Office in the Wilkinson Center. She said, “I was getting ready to order and then I got whisked away by these two ninjas.”

On Thursday freshman Kale Jensen woke up and was immediately taken into custody. “Apparently they ‘knew’ I wasn’t going to shave my stubble that morning, but I hadn’t even thought about it yet. Now everyone knows I wear Transformers pajamas,” said a frustrated Jensen.