Pi day is a celebration of the mathematical constant, π, that is often celebrated by eating pie. Although usually a peaceful and harmless event, this year BYU’s approach to the festivities has been marked by continually increasing conflict.

Traditionally, the Mathematics department has led the pi day festivities with games, t-shirts, and infamously, poetry (don’t ask about the pikus). However, this year the Culinary Arts department wants in, assuming that the Math Department has been overstepping their bounds by claiming sole management of the holiday for the past years. Initially a quiet disagreement, the conflict has escalated into a full blown custody battle.

The Culinary Arts department claims that Pi day would not be fun without pie and that no one celebrates with math anyway. “Who actually thinks, ‘hmm how should we celebrate? Oh I know, let’s do geometry!’ No one does that!” Shouted the head of the culinary department across the office of a concerned President Worthen, who was called in to resolve the conflict.

The Mathematics department maintains that Pi day is about π and only π. “This incredible little number is making the world a better place, and deserves to be celebrated for itself not a silly homophone. π has given us the unit circle, volumes, and areas while pie just gives us extra calories no one needs.”

While both sides seem confident of victory, the final verdict rests on President Worthen. “Poor Kevin,” commented the head of the English department. “He always gets roped into these terrible disagreements. Poor, poor Kevin.”