Netflix just announced on Monday their plans for the upcoming documentary, Funeral Potatoes among the Mormons, set to come out Easter 2022. Though heavily upbeat, this documentary highlights the darkest part about Utah Mormon culture–the jello salad. Every Easter, someone still brings it. Someone else, however, brings hope to the table. Funeral potatoes are the highlight of everyone’s year. They are absolutely glorious, the way the cheddar melts in your mouth, the way the starches compliment each other. This is what Easter really is about.
Jello salad, however, is a dangerous force to be reckoned with. “It looks innocent, perhaps even enticing,” says Utah-born BYU student Rebecca Black, “but as soon as you put it into your mouth, an explosion of textures bombards your senses, making you feel weak. Because you do not want to offend your family, you have to force it down your poor little throat.”
Jello salads come in many dangerous forms from innocent-looking raspberry-filled red, to cottage-cheese infused madness. Do not be fooled, marshmallows do not taste good in solid jello. It messes with the texture. It messes with your mind. “This film will explore the jello madness that somehow still exists in Utah among some Mormons who belong to the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints,” says film director David Ghantt.
The Alternate Universe got an exclusive preview of the upcoming trailer. “Hog rotten? No, these are funeral potatoes,” says Hailey Snow, a key figure in the documentary.
Some people express their concerns that this documentary is shedding a bad light on Utah’s reputation. “We have good food, too, you know!” says Eliza Spencer. “Last week I got a big-butt shake from Iceberg! It lasted me three whole days!” (Iceberg does not sponsor the Alternate Universe, but we wish they did. That would be great. We haven’t had ice cream in months.) Other foods Utah is known for are fry sauce and scones (resembling frybread and sopapillas) that are often served with honey butter.
But the food that Utah is best known for is the delectable FUNERAL POTATOES. As soon as someone brings them, the family get-together goes from a drab little meeting to a FULL ON RAGER. That is what this Netflix documentary is about. Yes, it highlights the gelatinous atrocities, but the main focus is the funeral potatoes. They make any situation bearable. Don’t believe us? Just ask any Utah Mormon. “Funeral potatoes are my one reason for not leaving Utah,” says recent BYU alumni Jared Johnson.
To prospective BYU students, the Alternate Universe warns about marrying someone from Utah. Yes, you get these amazing potatoes from your in-laws, but you will also be subject to jello salad. That said, please stay in Utah. We have good potatoes.