As all classes were taught online after Thanksgiving break, most BYU students went home to their families. Despite initially joyful reunions, students gained a new appreciation for their usual independence, and are now begging to be allowed back on campus. Even when warned that the risk for catching COVID is now higher than ever, students still insisted that catching the disease would be a small price to pay to escape their childhood homes.

Rakaleigha Young, an Early Childhood Development major, said, “I forgot how horrible my siblings are. Why do small children insist on being the most annoying creatures on the planet? And if I have to study with Blue Clues in the background one more time…” Ms. Young was so overcome by anger and disgust she could not continue the interview and left to find solace in a non-caffeinated beverage from Starbucks.

Ammon Jorgenson, another BYU student, reported, “It felt like I was back in middle school. I went from total independence to asking my parents to stay out past 9. Honestly, at this point, I would love to get the virus. At least then I could make my own decision about which room to quarantine in.”

Rakaleigha Young was later spotted running through the street yelling, “COVID take me please!!” Odds are she will get her wish, but at least she doesn’t have to play with Barbies all day and maybe she’ll meet her future husband while in intensive care. Welcome back to campus, cougars!