University officials announced on Monday that BYU will begin student COVID-19 screening tests from Nov. 18 through Nov. 21. While the test will not be mandatory, BYU encouraged students who have not tested positive for the virus within the last 90 days to get tested.

As luck would have it, that happens to be almost every single student on campus. As a result, BYU and the Honor Code Office saw a unique opportunity to verify student’s virtue while they’re there.

The Honor Code Office (HCO) ultimately and strangely decided to use the popular Rice Purity test- a self-graded survey that assesses the participants’ supposed degree of innocence in worldly matters, generally on a percentage scale with 100% being the most and 0% being the least pure.

The test begins somewhat innocent, asking if the participant has held hands before, been on a date, or kissed a member of the preferred sex. As the test progresses, questions become more disturbing, ending with extremely vulgar inquiries that we’re frankly too afraid to list off. It’s possible the HCO sees the Rice Purity test as a way to analyze if more rules should be added to the Honor Code not previously discussed.

The HCO further clarified their intentions via email: “Of course we hope that students have never engaged with any questions past #4…but you never know these days.”

BYU student and possible sexual heathen Carl Whitler might have just been one of those troubling students: “I scored a 94%, so I just got off the hook,” said Whitler, who was tested on the 18th. “I would have aced the whole thing but those last questions got me. Guilty as charged!”

However, other students did not seem to echo the same relief. Jay Wyatt also took the dual tests on Wednesday and remarked on its uncomfortable nature. “It was a bit awkward,” said Wyatt. “When I marked a question they would whisper to each other and write stuff down… I’m meeting with my Bishop on Sunday- but it’s probably just for a calling, right?… Right?”

Worried students can take the Rice Purity Test online beforehand to determine the content of the test and their score. If confident, students can then select a time slot and pre-register for a test on BYU’s COVID-19 Support website. If not, students like Noah Shepherd can ultimately opt-out.

“Yeah I know about the purity test- I’ve taken it tons of times,” explained Shepherd. “That being said, I’d rather get COVID than let the HCO see my score.”