Helaman Halls resident Julia Graves, 18, has admitted to faking a case of the novel coronavirus to avoid getting called as Relief Society President in her new ward. As the result of her self-described “small fib,” the entire third floor of David John Hall was quarantined for fourteen days.

“As a 5’9” blonde from Mesa who exclusively wears Piper & Scoot, I knew my risk of getting called was very high. So, I told my RA I had a sore throat. Things spiraled out of control from there.”

At the time of press, disciplinary consequences such as calling Graves as Stake Relief Society President were under consideration.