In an effort to encourage social distancing, BYU has approved a modification to the “Healthy Together” contract tracing app. According to sources, the app will play the University of Utah fight song whenever students are detected within 6 feet of each other.

“We did a little research and figured out that the most effective way to keep students away from each other was to play the Ute fight song,” said President Worthen. “Most of the people going to BYU now haven’t even seen us ever beat them at football, so we think hearing their fight song will be traumatic enough to ensure they stay distanced.”

Other options that BYU considered included sending automatic alerts to YSA bishops regarding students’ proximity to one another with a “red-alert” being issued if the distance ever dropped under one foot. Another option considered was offering a perk for well-behaved students that allowed them to see where their exes were on campus so they could spy on or avoid them, depending on the circumstance.