As Provo’s annual “homeless week” approaches, one question is on everyone’s minds. Will no one think of the poor landlords?

Redstone property spokesperson Gracie Collard weighed in that people should be more considerate of property managers’ feelings before calling them “irresponsibly unorganized” or “greedy and unsympathetic.” She elaborated on some of the hardships for her during homeless week. “Having a bunch of homeless people really brings down the property values, and we’re losing a week’s worth of rent from those peasants—I mean students.”

“Not to mention,” continued Collard, “as an empath, seeing all those people forced out of their homes during the hottest part of the year is really distressing.” 

In regards to a solution to this decade-long issue, Collard revealed that for a small fee of $400 per night, students are welcome to move in early, and will get entered into a drawing for some free swag!

When asked to comment on calls from students for properties to coordinate in order to stop this, Collard said, “If those stupid kids would stop trying to move to a different property, then we wouldn’t have to punish them!”