University Communications released a statement in regards to the line-up of Fall Semester Devotionals and Forums early this morning.

The statement says that the Committee in charge of devotionals “did not try very hard” when selecting the speakers.

“We didn’t even bother contacting any general authorities, so you’ll just have to learn from a random religion professor”, said a committee member.

The statement also notes that the professors selected were based on RateMyProfessor.com ratings, the educators with the lowest ratings being contacted first.

“As far as forums go, we’re just going with various theater majors reading old Brad Wilcox talks,” said the same committee members.

You can read the full devotional schedule somewhere online, but why would you bother?