Lately, there has been much talk of police reform, with many calling for severe budget cuts and even the elimination of the police. This comes in response to several unjustified acts of police violence against minorities, and most consequentially, African Americans.

While attacks on African Americans by BYU police are virtually unheard of (probably due to lack of opportunity more than anything else), slashing the funding for every student’s favorite jay-walking enforcement agency has been considered.

However, after some investigation, we at The Alternate Universe have determined this would certainly bankrupt the school.

Most believe that BYU’s incredibly cheap tuition relative to comparable universities is due to tithing stimulus from the Church. Not so it turns out.

In fact, the vague and often misleading signs posted up around parking lots are intentionally so. Because, without the supplement of excessive parking ticketing, the school’s yearly budget would be unaffordable.

It is estimated that BYU’s yearly operating costs are around 2 billion dollars. With a student body of 33,500, paying roughly $6000 year, the school receives about $200 millionth in tuition. This barely scratches the surface of the school’s financial needs.

After some more digging, we estimate that parking tickets amount for about $1.7 billion of the remaining cash inflow, with just $100 million supplied by the church.

In light of these discoveries, we must decide whether the BYU police force is a necessary evil, or if any alternatives exist.