While many major BYU sports teams are returning to campus to resume training, the university’s water polo team is still being barred from preparing for their upcoming season. Unable to meet the requirements to be deemed an “essential sports team” by administrators, water polo team members have become severely depressed.

“Our dedicated fans are absolutely crushed right now. And I’m not just talking about MY parents. The whole team’s parents are crushed.” says team captain Rickey Mortis, angrily gripping a water polo ball, “Just let us put on our little swim caps and get in the pool, we’ll give BYU something to cheer about again!”

Despite the team’s enthusiasm, it is unlikely that BYU will open up their pools again anytime soon. In an effort to save money, BYU recently emptied the swimming pool to water the football field. Additionally, the university’s athletic directors have gone back and forth for years about whether or not they should let anyone besides gymnasts compete with so little clothing on.

“During the pandemic it’s just not safe to have so many sports teams running around campus.” says Carole Bupkin, “According to the CDC, we can safely support something like 3 or 4 high revenue-producing sports right now. Unfortunately, men in pools do not qualify.”

Sources confirm that the water polo team is currently making plans to convert into a football team, and are expected to be competitive with BYU’s team by the time quarantine is lifted.