While many universities have already made the decision as to whether they will open up campus again Fall semester, BYU continues to keep students in limbo. In a recent letter to the student body, BYU administrators explained that they are unable to make the official determination that classes will continue online unless Cosmo crawls out of his burrow and recognizes his own shadow.
“The groundhog day ritual is a foolproof way to predict the future and should work roughly the same even when using a Cougar.” says dean Betty Rice, “Unfortunately Cosmo is, eh, an unpredictable animal and we have no idea if he’ll ever come out.”
Cosmo, who has reportedly been quarantining in underground tunnels to maintain the sacred traditions of the prophetic groundhog species, has apparently not yet felt the need to look outside. We sent a reporter in for a comment, but she was unable to interpret the latest viral dance Cosmo performed.
As news of Cosmo’s impending prediction has spread, news stations from across the state have gathered near the entrance to the cougar’s burrow, hoping to catch BYU’s decision on camera in real-time. Meanwhile, BYU administrators are enjoying the quiet campus as much as they can.