Much to the chagrin of those who expected a conventional Easter egg hunt, the Easter Bunny has been arrested in New York City for violating quarantine.
“We warned Mr. Bunny several times leading up to the holiday that the restrictions imposed by the City of New York applied to him as well.” says Police Chief Ian Grover, “Mr. Bunny’s flagrant disregard for safe social distancing protocols has potentially endangered thousands of lives across the country.”
As is typical, the Easter Bunny began his Easter morning by hurriedly dashing across most of the East Coast, hiding eggs in yards and houses. Usually, by 6:00 AM EST he has finished with the eastern seaboard and made his way into the mid-west, eventually traveling to every home in the nation by 9:00 AM EST. In normal times, most people welcome this sort of trespassing or breaking and entering. But with the COVID-19 pandemic looming large, many thought it unwise to allow Mr. Bunny to carry out his usual routine.
“Is this a joke? You think someone should be able to visit every house in America in one day, leave objects that he touched with his bare hands, and then we should encourage children to go find these objects and eat their contents? Are you serious?” stated Dr. Anthony Fauci before angrily ending our brief phone interview.
When asked about the situation, President Trump stated “Mr. Bunny is a great American, he’s helped me so many times when I needed jelly beans on short notice. Very big, very big. So sad. These liberals, they try to take away the Easter candy corns from the kids, kids crying. So sad. I’ll look into pardoning Mr. Bunny once I finish helping out my good friend Joe Exotic.”
At time of printing, the Easter Bunny was still in police custody in Lower Manhattan.