Anti-literacy sentiments have long been a touchy subject in the United States, and Provo, Utah is no exception.

Last week anti-literacy students at BYU caused a stir at a Question and Answer session with a panel of librarians and library patrons participating in part of the University’s “Library Lover’s Month” celebrations. Anonymous anti-book, anti-literacy questions were submitted to the panel, an event that shocked and saddened many book-loving members of the BYU community.

Submitted questions included “Y we no have not reeder month? Me sad we no have not book-liker time.” and “If reeders smart, y lot a reeders not be billyonaers?”

BYU administration quickly condemned the questions stating “We are heartbroken that something like this would happen at BYU. We promote literacy and denounce ignorance of any form.” One member of the panel, librarian Howard Mills, said “It shows that we still have a long way to go when it comes to reading and literacy in this country. It hurts that this would happen at a major research university, a place that we hoped would be safe for us.”

An anti-literacy student sent the Alternate Universe a statement explaining the actions of his comrades, stating: “Us sad be that not-reeders no get speshul taime feel speshul. Y reeder get speshul taime? We just gud be as reeder, i think all saem be. we just ask kweshtun, we not haet anibadi.”

At time of printing, BYU admissions staff were frantically reviewing their standards and protocols to ascertain how students with such poor reading and writing skills were admitted to BYU.