In a surprising turn of events, it seems as though Mitt Romney—Utah senator and noted chocolate milk aficionado— is currently the favorite to win the 2020 election in Utah. A poll conducted by the BYU Creamery Foundation For Political Change showed that 70% of voters in the Honeybee state plan to vote for Romney, despite his clear stance against running in the coming election. 

Apart from his wide majority in the state, the other 30% was largely split among different candidates: 21% voted for Russel M. Nelson, and 9% voted for David Archuleta (these voters seemed to be confused and believed that the surveyors were asking about American Idol contestants). 

The Alternate Universe reached out for a comment from Sen. Romney. When informed about the polling results, he responded shyly: “Aw shucks, lil’ ol’ me? I’m just a humble, hot dog-loving American. Why, I couldn’t ever consider running again!” He then appeared to hurriedly call his public relations manager, seemingly telling her to design presidential campaign posters as soon as possible. He also refused to comment as to why he slipped into a southern accent when offering his initial comment.