The LDS Church announced that they plan to ban any and all mentions of the oft-mentioned “Footprints in the Sand” poem in an email to all members Thursday morning. 

The poem, which has been read or referenced in every Latter-Day Saint meeting that has ever existed, tells the story of a person who is walking on the beach and notices that the footprints of the Lord disappearing. Instead of assuming that the Lord has better things to do than follow their every move, the speaker eventually realizes that the Lord was carrying them through all their troubles. 

“We just think that members of the Church should read even one other poem, or maybe even a scripture once in a while,” said Presiding Bishop Gerald Causse. 

The ban will be effective immediately. Anyone who even thinks of mentioning the poem will be asked to sit down and will be forced to come up with an interesting talk/lesson for the next three weeks. 

Mary Jenkins, a member of the Provo 1,000,001st ward, said she was worried about the news.“I just don’t know what to expect from sacrament meeting now. What if I’m forced to learn something new?” Jenkins said. 

The author of the poem “Footprints in the Sand” declined to comment on this story, perhaps because they were too busy suing every Christian bookstore for unlicensed merchandise.