Well, it’s that time of year again. You’re headed home for Thanksgiving break. There’ll be turkey, cranberry sauce, mashed potatoes, and the inevitable conversation about your lack of a relationship.

All of us here at The Alternate Universe know how embarrassing it can be to admit to your parents, siblings, and nosy great-aunt that another year has gone by and you’re still not in a relationship. So, we’ve spent thousands of hours and millions of dollars to create this guide. Below are several strategies to get you through the dreaded mealtime conversation. 

#1: Make up a fake relationship

What they don’t know won’t hurt them! Telling your family that you’re already in a relationship is an easy way to avoid discomfort. However, you should be sure that no one can fact check you. Give your fake significant other a common first name and a last name like “Nelson” or “Hinkley,” so they know you’re running with a good crowd.

You should only have been dating them for a few months to explain your lack of pictures together. It’s important to be vague, so your fake boyfriend/girlfriend should be from Riverside, California or Gilbert, Arizona and should have served their mission in Mexico City.

Tell your family that they’re majoring in sports medicine and don’t have social media. There’s no way they can prove you wrong!

#2 “Keeping Your Options Open”

Lying not your thing? That’s cool. You can always give excuses that make you seem available, but not desperate. Even you might start to believe them after awhile! To pull this off, respond to questions about your dating life with phrases like “I’m just keeping my options open” or “I’m just focusing on school right now.” These will make you seem like you could be in a relationship if you wanted to, but you just don’t want to. Even though this obviously isn’t true, your family will probably believe it. 

#3 “It’s Complicated”

You know that you haven’t dated anyone since you came back from your mission, but your family doesn’t need to know that! If (when) they ask about your dating life, respond with a large sigh, a long pause, and then state “it’s complicated.”

Your family will assume you’re going through a really hard breakup, or you’re dating the daughter of a foreign dignitary who’s not allowed to date you. At this point, most people will just move on to avoid an uncomfortable conversation, but some will press you for details. In the event that this happens, the best thing to do is say you have to go to the bathroom and insert some fake tears. Your family shouldn’t bother you after this.

#4 Change the Subject

Sometimes the best option is just to change the subject completely. It doesn’t matter what they’re talking about, as long as they’re not talking about you. Here are some great conversation starters that will steer things far away from your perpetual loneliness:

*So, what do we all think about the impeachment hearings? I want to hear from everyone at the table!

*Baby Yoda’s not that cute, right?

*I heard that tithing is being raised to 20% at the next General Conference!

*Did Taylor Swift really deserve the artist of the decade award?

*I just bought the Tesla Cybertruck.

*Does Cosmopolitan Magazine contain porn?

*I’m voting for Elizabeth Warren, and I’m not going to tell you why.

*What race should Alice from the live action Alice in Wonderland be?

If options 1-4 are too hard, you can always just run away. Good luck and have a great Thanksgiving.