BYU’s vending machines are often the topic of heating arguments. To settle these disputes once and for all, we’ve assembled a definitive list of the ten best vending machines on campus.

Number 10: Refrigerated Machine in South End of JFSB Basement

Coming in at number 10 on our list is the highly respected refrigerated machine in the JSFB basement. This is the go-to machine for bagels if you are too lazy to walk to the WILK to buy a fresh bagels.

Number 9: The One in the Eyring Building With Ice Cream

Ice cream was listed in Proverbs 14:2 as being “delightful unto the Lord”.

Number 8: The One Awkwardly Crammed in By the Other Two in the Engineering Building

It always has Sour Patch Kids, so it easily makes top ten.

Number 7: The Ones Upstairs in the WILK By Those Microwaves

These machines represent the full capacity of BYU’s vending potential. Their proximity to the microwaves is convenient but involves the dreaded “microwave smell” which prevents them from climbing higher on our list.

Number 6: That One in the Clyde Building Near the Civil Engineering TA lab

This fine machine dispenses only the finest Chex Mix and Sun Chips.

Number 5: That One in the Library With Notecards In It

I like to be able to buy chips, study supplies, and cookies all in one transaction.

Number 4: The Mythic Machine Under the Duck Pond

Legend has it that whoever is able to pull the Crystal Pepsi from the machine submerged in the duck pond in the early 90’s is instantly crowned Supreme Leader of Provo and is made the starting quarterback for BYU.

Number 3: That One in That Sort of Hidden Area on the First Floor of the WILK

It’s not the most popular machine, but the quality is unrivaled.

Number 2: Kevin Worthen’s Private Machine

Our beloved university president has his own private machine that only takes Cougar Cash from his ID card. Rumors claim that it has unreleased flavors of Creamery ice cream and at least one type of never-before-seen Cheezit.

Number 1: Any Machine With Wild Berry Skittles

Wild Berry Skittles are the best things to happen to vending machines in the history of the world. Gordon Ramsay is quoted as saying “Skittles are pretty good, I suppose. Why are you in my house at 3 AM? Why are you writing down everything I say? How did you even get in here? I’m calling the police…”

We hope this settles any lingering questions regarding BYU’s vending machines.