In an unexpected press conference this morning, BYU administrators acknowledged that all missions are NOT created equal. In order to ease the worries of students having a difficult time knowing their place when it comes to discussing missions on campus, BYU released this definitive list ranking the three tiers of missions:
Plebeian Tier- These missions are not something to write home about. In fact, if you write home from one of these missions your future enrollment in any BYU course is automatically terminated. Serving in one of these missions means you are only allowed to date people who also served in a Plebeian Tier mission.
Examples of Plebeian Tier missions include Rome, Italy, New York, New York, and Winnipeg, Canada.
Acceptable Tier- If you served in an Acceptable mission you are officially “okay”. These aren’t the most glorious places to toil in the Lord’s vineyard, but time well spent in one of these locales is nothing to be ashamed of. A mission in the Acceptable Tier entitles you to date anyone in the Acceptable or Plebeian Tier. Additionally, you have the bonus of one free Cougar Tail per week on the condition it is consumed near the statue of Karl G. Maeser on campus.
Examples of Acceptable Tier missions include: Tokyo, Japan, Nashville, Tennessee, and Sydney, Australia.
Stripling Warrior Tier- All hail the “Green Beret” missionaries! This is the best of the best, the Top Gun program of voluntary Church service for people in their late teens and early twenties. A distinguished veteran of a Stripling Warrior Tier mission can expect immediate fastpass to the front of any line on BYU campus. This means no waiting for Chick-fil-A or waitlists for classes. Also included is the rare privilege of dating only the most attractive people on campus in an exclusive matchmaking program. This validates every time you were told “Oh, you served in (insert SW tier mission here)? Your spouse will be so handsome/beautiful!”
Examples of Stripling Warrior Tier missions include: Mecca, Saudi Arabia, Orem, Utah, and anywhere in Russia.
BYU hopes this list will help students make sense of who they can look down on or idolize when missions are discussed at the university.