Our great American constitution is hanging by a thread. It is assailed on all sides by the forces of evil. Only one true patriot defends it night and day: President Mitt Romney. Indeed, this inspiring man has been campaigning for president long enough that at this point I simply consider him to be President. Shouldn’t we all? My name is Pierre Delecto, and, despite my French name, I assure you that I am a real American person, just like you. That is why I must write this article.

Now, I don’t use social media much. Just a little Twitter once or twice a year, mostly correcting bad takes on my favorite politician(s). But I’ve seen enough Trump tweets to know that things are not going well. From the moment that Trump decided not to pick Romney for his Secretary of State, things have rapidly deteriorated. I think the trend is clear to everyone.

Here’s the thing: recently I’ve been talking to several geniuses. Mostly Mitt Romney.

They all agree that being a Senator is too lowly a post for someone so wise. Mitt, the noble politician whom Joseph Smith himself foretold in an unconfirmed prophecy, deserves a platform that will allow him to publicly disapprove of Trump’s actions more than once a month.

Maybe we should collectively demand that he run for president again? Maybe we should publicly pledge our undying loyalty? Our most urgent duty as supporters of the constitution may simply be to support Romney online. Do you part. I’ll be watching.

Pierre Delecto