Over the weekend, Smith’s updated their cash registers with a plethora of plasma-collecting medical equipment, officially kickstarting its “PlasmaPay” program for the college town of Provo. Starting today, customers may begin paying for their groceries directly with blood. This bold move, Smith’s executives claim, will save hundreds of poor students several hours a week by eliminating their need to visit official plasma collection facilities.

“This decision was a no-brainer for us. Many college kids donate plasma so they have enough money to buy food,” Edward Smith, head of marketing, explained. “No student should have to drive so much just to get a meal.”

The PlasmaPay process, which some are calling “empowering,” requires customers to sit in a chair facing the candy aisle for several hours while high school students being paid minimum wage try to find their veins with a large needle. Plasma payers can also try their luck at self-help checkout, where they will need to stab a needle into their arm and hold it there until the cost of their groceries is paid in full.

“I can’t… wait… to eat… this free-ish… food!” BYU Junior Jason Hobbes said in our short interview before passing out.

Although it is still too soon to measure the new program’s success, Smith’s executives are already moving forward with other ideas to help students get food. By Christmas, they hope to be able to accept hair, bone marrow, and select kidneys as payment. Paying with Visa was reportedly mentioned in brainstorming and resolutely shot down.