In a stunning development in the scandal some are calling “at least fifty times more important than Watergate”, BYU President Kevin Worthen raided offices used by The Daily Universe early Wednesday morning. At around 3:15 AM, President Worthen conducted the first of what promises to be many raids seeking evidence to corroborate reports of exploitation of unpaid student labor.  According to eyewitnesses, he was accompanied by a SWAT tactical team, Steve Young, and the Provo YSA 21st Stake Relief Society President.

While addressing a group of reporters from legitimate newspapers, President Worthen commented “I’m going to make it my top priority to get to the bottom of this. I might even pop open a bottle of Diet Mountain Dew and not sleep until I figure out what’s been happening here.”

Early reports indicate over 500 pages of incriminating documents were seized, detailing the systemic abuse of students who have been forced to write thousands of articles. Conservative estimates place the value of this stolen labor at $1.4 quintillion.  Some have speculated that The Daily Universe should pay reparations to former workers to compensate them for their work; However, this currently seems unlikely due to the fact that the amount owed is more than 15,000 times greater than the current world GDP.

Stay tuned to The Alternate Universe for more expert reporting as this scandal continues to unravel.