Following his absence at sacrament meeting on Sunday, Junior Gerry Lewis officially announced that he would not be attending worship services as a member of the Provo YSA 357th Ward anymore. When asked why, Lewis explained that the agony of sitting in church in the MARB each Sunday was too much for him to bear.

“I mean, I was already starting to question my faith when I looked on the ward Facebook page and saw we had sacrament meeting at 2:30 in the afternoon, but once my roommate told me we met in room 151 of the MARB, I knew this was the final straw.”

The incident was reported to the university in hopes that it will be cited the next time outdated buildings are considered for demolition. Though The Alternate Universe reached out to Lewis’ ecclesiastical leaders for more information, Bishop Henderson declined to comment. In a scheme to lure Brother Lewis back to church, the ward relief society president attempted to deliver homemade Rice Krispy treats to his apartment, but sprained her ankle en route after tripping on the MARB stairs.