The time-honored Pioneer day celebration is a prolific part of Utah culture. Complete with enough parades, American flags, and straw hats to be mistaken for an Amish Independence day festival, the 24th of July is a time to reflect on the sacrifice of the pioneers on their long trek across the US. However, a shocking new conspiracy is gaining traction that may be existentially dangerous to this year’s festivities.
Inspired in part by the movement to storm Area 51, conspiracy theorist Alec S. Joans started a petition last Thursday titled “IT’S TIME—CONFRONT THE LDS CHURCH ABOUT FALSE ‘PIONEER’ NARRATIVE.”
When asked about his pioneer-denialist stance, Joans stated, “The only ‘proof’ I’ve seen that the pioneers existed are official statements from the LDS church. You can bet I won’t be fooled by Big Religion, and neither will any of the rational skeptics that are signing my petition. We have logic on our side and we will uncover the truth. Wake up, sheeple!” Joans later dismissed journal entries and other evidence from pioneer descendants with a tweet simply reading “FAKE.”
Despite Joans’ relatively small following, his efforts to unearth hidden lies about the pioneers have gone viral among the remaining Cub Scout troops meeting in church buildings and are expected to cause disturbances to Pioneer-day festivities. Already, some rumors have surfaced that there will be booths disseminating pioneer-denialist messages, including claims that aliens built the Salt Lake Temple. Some celebration-goers are worried that they’ll have to refuse yet another brochure from angry hordes of protesters.
The Church has thus far neglected to put out an official statement regarding this movement, but state government officials are vehemently reminding participants that pioneer day is actually a civic holiday and residents of all beliefs owe a lot to the non-theoretical pioneer founders of Utah.