Strapped for cash and finally coming to terms with the old saying that dating is simply spending money on someone else’s wife, Campus Plaza resident Philip Johnson has allegedly begun preparing itemized invoices for the husbands of all the girls he used to date.

“It’s nothing personal. I just spent a lot on meals and fun activities for Cindy back when we were dating and I’d like to be reimbursed.” Says Philip, adding that Cindy really did eat a lot and never offered to drive anywhere, “Holy cow, I almost forgot about our Lagoon trip. This man’s bank account isn’t ready for this.”

Philip, who’s been pouring over journal entries and credit card statements for several days now in order to piece two dozen invoices together, is optimistic that the husbands will understand.

“I feel like I provided a real service.” He says, shrugging, “I don’t know if they’ll pay me for everything, but I’m hoping to write off everything else as a charitable tax deduction or something.”