Having only just put the final touches on a list of loud, annoying, and likely dangerous noises curated especially for the occasion, future EFY attendee Jason Bummer is looking forward to his upcoming week on BYU campus. This extensive preparation, Mr. Bummer hopes, will horrify nearby students on their way to classes and win the desired approval from his EFY peers and love-interests.

“WAAAAAAAAA-BAM!” Jason yelled abruptly in our exclusive interview, literally without any solicitation, “I think that one will echo nicely in the HVAC. What do you think? Wait, here’s another: JAMAJAMAJAMAJAMA-JUICE! That’s how I’ll become the most popular kid waiting in line for Jamba Juice.”

The noise list, which spells out more than 300 unique sounds and describes the kinds of situations to use them in, is reportedly just one part of Bummer’s preparation for the week.

“Being loud is key, but there are other essentials too. That’s why I’m bringing a frisbee, a guitar, and a good personality. YEAAAAAAH BOOOOOOOOY!!! That was noise #57. It’s for when I find out who has a crush on me. Cool, right?”

Although it is “vital” that he consistently make as much noise in public as possible, Jason acknowledges that there is one day he’ll dial it back a bit: “Thursday is the spiritual day, so I’ll just throw out the occasional ‘HEY!’ to the bros and a big loud ‘YES PLEASE’ at meal times. Other than that, I’ll just be looking good in my suit, winking at people, and planning the dates I can finally start going on in two years.”

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